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whispering-kids…He won’t talk to you.

My 9 (soon to be 10) year old is having “girl problems” and he won’t talk to me about it. He’s never been interested in girls and always says “quiet Mom” when I tell him his girlfriend Miley Cyrus is on the radio.

But that was then.

He started 4th grade this year. He’s in a new school that combines a few different elementary schools into one big 4th-5th grade school. And that means lots of new kids, including girls. My son also plays youth football for the county. One of the cheerleaders for his football team is in his 4th grade class — and she has a crush on my son.

Apparently this girl has been having her friends bug my son saying, “Mikayla likes you, do you like her? Just say YES!” And they’ve been doing it non-stop for almost a week.

Today my son came home from school and said “I have to do something that I don’t want to do.” I asked him what it was and he said “Never mind. Just forget it.” I asked him again and he wouldn’t tell me. So we had a little talk about how it is much easier to tell a girl that you just don’t want a girlfriend than it is to break up with her later. (I never said I was an all-star parent!)

Fast forward 45 minutes.

I found a book on the kitchen counter that was his so I went to his room to give it to him. His door was locked. I knocked on the door. “What Mom?” I asked him to open the door. And then I heard his closet door open and shut.

He opened the door, I gave him his book, and he didn’t want to let me in, blocking my way. I asked him why he wouldn’t let me in and he said “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Then I asked him what he put in his closet and he said “Nothing Mom.” Of course I knew better so I walked to the closet and tried to open it but he got in front of me, getting really defensive.

I asked him what he was doing. And he wouldn’t tell me. I asked if it was something about this girl from school and he said yes. Was it a card? Nope. He wouldn’t budge. So I kept badgering him about it and he started CRYING. Oh brother. I asked why he was crying and he wouldn’t tell me. When I asked if it was because he was embarrassed about it, he said yes.

I told him how important it is to talk about things when you’re upset and that I will always be here for him. He sat there, crying, not saying a word. I told him that it really hurt my feelings that my own son won’t talk to me, then left his room.

And that’s where the situation is at. My baby will not talk to me about a girl.

Mama is sad.

 

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About The Author

Jenny

Hi there! I'm Jenny, a coffee-addicted, busy-body, work at home mom of two insane boys age 11 & 6. I'm married to my best friend, obsessed with the Packers, and I love to cook, read, and design blogs (I'm kindof a geek). I love to hear from my readers so leave a comment below to join the conversation!

29 Responses to Dear Diary: You Know Your Child is Growing Up When…

  1. richelle bowers says:

    my son won’t talk to me about girls either…he will with his grandmother

  2. Maddie K says:

    Don’t stop talking!  With my stepson I found that if we did something together that he liked that didn’t involve the Wii or computer, more like riding bikes or going hiking, that he would open up and talk to me about issues he was having. Of course he wasn’t 10 when I came on the scene, but since he doesn’t talk to his mom or go to her for advice I think I did a pretty good job.

  3. jcmoffatt says:

    I have two boys that are both in University and the oldest one is graduating next year.  I don’t want them to go!!!!  I have been a single Mom (not my choice) since they were ages 11 and 8 and we have been like the Three Musketeers.   I will be happy for them when they leave the nest but very sad for me :(

    • Mama-Jen says:

      @jcmoffatt Oh my goodness, that almost made me tear up! I can just picture the 3 of you as the Three Musketeers. Good for you for being a strong single mom for essentially their entire lives. It sounds like they’re pretty outstanding young men!

  4. JorJieHacken says:

    It’s hard when your babies grow up. Thank goodness I only have one left!

  5. ChelesaSims1 says:

    I think u handled that great.i have a 3 year old boy so thank god I don’t have to worry about that for a while.

  6. CarlabreeBonesteel says:

    It’s definitely good to tell them a couple stories about yourself…maybe ones that don’t make you look perfect…my mother did that, and I opened up to her…then again, I also used it against her when I was a teenager!!  LOL

  7. lisa says:

    Leave it alone. He’ll come around. When I was young my parent read my diary and  I don’t want to get into specifics, but, all trust was lost.

    • Mama-Jen says:

      Oh yes I am definitely not one to snoop around!
       
      As of late, things have been much better. He’s gotten more used to the idea of having a girlfriend (and wishes he didn’t.. lol).

  8. sherylbone says:

    I have a fourth grade son, too.  I also have a 14 year old son.  I just heard a speaker at the high school last night.  He role played how to get  your child to open up to you!  You should have been there :)!  He suggested (essentially) telling your child a story with yourself in the middle, kind of putting yourself in your child’s shoes in the story.  The idea is your kid will say, “what did you do when that happened to you” and open a dialogue.  Maybe you can try it.  Good luck!

  9. SarahRenee says:

    I also have a 10 year old son, and he is fine with talking, its just the occasional bad attitude that makes me sad.  He went to his first school dance this year, and that is when it hit me.  He’s growing up!

  10. Lynn Stice says:

    I have two sons now and I’m so not ready for the dating thing. I think it will be harder for me with the boys dating then my daughter. Maybe my husband will feel the other way but. I know how them girls can be lol.

  11. Jessica Fortner says:

    I so feel your pain..my oldest just turned 12 this yr…12 going on 16. *sigh*

  12. AngelaDupree says:

    After having 6 kids I still today have 5 living home and three of them are 18, 19 and 21 I can’t wait until they are able to make it out on their own. Letting go of my oldest daughter was about the hardest thing I have ever done but a much needed thing in both of our lives, after her being out sense 19 years old she was more then ready to move and it doing very well.

  13. TLBarton says:

    My oldest son is 13, and he is really shy and cute about girls. He has a couple at school that he likes, but he is still working up the courage to tell them.

  14. RebeccaWigley says:

    I’m not looking forward to the day my daughter starts going through this phase in life. I’m just praying that my own experiences, with life and with parents trying to “help”, have made me wise enough to have some inkling of how to handle the situation when it arises.

  15. KayCulver says:

    I’m going through this with my 8 year old girl.  She won’t even go into a grocery  store if she sees a boy in her grade in the store.  I’ve had her dive under the clothes racks to avoid any contact.  I think she likes boys but they just freak her out.  She won’t talk to me about it and I get frustrated at times. I get really frustrated when I can’t get her out from under the clothing rack…lol.  And the just say yes thing seems to be universal…well here it is yes or no.  She even does this to me at home…passing me notes with “Can I play Nick Jr.? Mark yes or no.”.  But alas, she will not talk to me about boys and behaves in the same way as your son.  I’m a little freaked since she is my only child so I haven’t been through this..and we are talking 8 years old and 3rd grade..what happens at 13, 15, 18????

    • Mama-Jen says:

      @KayCulver At least we know we’re not alone! The note about playing Nick Jr is too cute though. :)  I am seriously concerned about my son when he gets older. Like he caved and gave in to this girl, saying he would be her boyfriend just to avoid the confrontation. What if a woman says “marry me or else”?!!? I’m not ready for all this yet. Yikes!

  16. MelindaDartmann says:

    Awww, I’m sorry he won’t talk to you!  Kids are gonna be that way though. It’s difficult for a boy to talk to his mom about things like that. I know I raised 4 boys and 4 girls! Yep, 8 kids! I have to tell you, what every mother will say, “it’s different with every child”. Keep the lines of communication open, don’t badger but keep your eyes peeled for clues and anything that will help you to know what’s going on and be patient. Let him know every day that he can talk to you and don’t forget to tell him you love him. Good luck sweetie! Trust me in saying, when they get older and move out of the house on their own with their own family, it gets easier.

    • Mama-Jen says:

      @MelindaDartmann Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience with me! I only have 2 children (compared to your 8 – wow!) but they are completely different from one another.
       
      Thanks again!

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